i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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