Duck Duck Cougar?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There r osticjed everywhere
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm bleeding and have questions
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