...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
