Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
