dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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