I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
