We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
