I skipped work to stalk him.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
