she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
