You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
