i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
