I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
