Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
