i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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