People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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