I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
