i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
