Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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