My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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