I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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