Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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