This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
