She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
