New low: just hacked my moms facebook
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
