Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
