i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
