I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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