I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
