So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
