Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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