Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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