he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
