I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
