I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
