Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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