Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
