I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Sober January is a disaster.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
