The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
