Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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