alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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