I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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