she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
