that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
