Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
