everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
