I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
