how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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