Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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