i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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