Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
