Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
